Blaaaaagh

Haha, existence. As in... it exists. I never knew.

2006-09-03T08:50:08Z

Smoke. Inside and often.
Liquid hydration. What?

Think. Find your thinking spot, sit down, and gather the acuity to pull together (from the places you aren't, but wish you were) those things through which it works. Yeah? I'm not so sure.

See now?

Auto-formatted. I like that. I wish that were true of more things, not just "new lines."

: A guy standing on a station platform in the rain, with a comical look on his face, because his insides have been kicked out.

Visceral metaphors.

You want to hear some more? Okay. Just checking. You never know. You might wanna hear some more funny, funny jokes.

That is to say, more shtick than you can shake a stick at.

I won't deny you. I won't ignore you.

Amalgam. Any clue why they make us digest that one? Here, have a metaphor. This one's so safe, it's not even a metaphor anymore.

You're awake too late. You should sleep more. Don't though. It'll slow your metabolism and then you'll get fat and no one will like you. No one likes fat people. Or at least, I don't like fat people. So I don't fucking care what anyone else likes. They may as well not like fat people. None of my business either way, I suppose.

Snazzy. Snazzy is a snazzy word.

I'm snazzy. Tuesday through Friday, noon to noon-thirty.

Speaking of, there should definitely be some epic fuckin' music playing when I walk up the street (against traffic, mind you) to get my sandwich each day. No reward or quest undertaken for reward is greater, more epic (fuckin' epic), than my walk down the street (against traffic, best beloved) to get a sandwich. Except possibly, my walk up the street (the return--) to the place where I will sit and eat my sandwich. So... nevermind that. Shit gets confusing. Let's just leave it alone. I'll deal.

Improper use of ellipses is one of my favorite things to do in writing. I feel [the misuse] allows for writing to flow more like speech. It does and that's why all sorts of people do... uh... this. Three dots trailing into something else effectuates a pause much better than a stupid comma. Effectuates is a stupid word too. It's used by people who would like to sound as if they either know a great deal on the subject of which they are speaking or by people who stretch and paw after eloquence without ever really grasping it. I'm the latter, as you well know. The word "effectuates" is stupid because you could very easily substitute "effects" and retain the meaning of the phrase being written (or said). Some of us, though, need to sound more important and educated than others. (Key: us = myself; others = readership)

I also really like that I used []'s to clarify a pronoun, like an editor would. [Writing this] is as if I were editing an interview given by me to me. Shit damn, I interest myself.

It's a good thing I'm the only one. The only one who interests or the only one who is interested?

gehirael @ 2005-02-08T04:18:00

2005-02-08T09:27:05Z

sunday was a big headache.
saturday night was travis/dwight mixed drinks and zombie. only zombie i like.
dwight mixes better drinks because he doesn't so much mix them as pour a lot of vodka into a glass.
diana came over and that was interesting/fun.
matt and i talked til damn near dawn while something precious was destroyed in my room.
today will be tuesday and my 7th straight night of closing the restaurant.
realized today that there is a very good reason there are no box-cutters in the restaurant.
the knives are dull.
that's not the reason though, duh.
man at denny's called me a lady.
diana proceeds to destroy the gender boundries pronouns set for english speakers.
matt said her face was rotting.
she burns herself often.
my eye burns.
i smoke too much and my lungs are dying.
jack is ticking.
i really do believe you don't know "why".
i like zombie + sprite.
diana made an oil spill at sunrise by pouring bright blue zombie, clear sprite, and diet rally cola in that order.
she didn't drink it.
sick sick sick sick.
i really don't feel good.

hangman

2005-02-01T07:53:03Z

lexicon
thought
ketchup

you'd be surpised.

bury me in black

2005-02-01T07:48:12Z

the knife split his forehead as gracefully as it had cut through the air. "i don't need a gun to watch you bleed."

you told me this gets harder. well, it did.

So, Then.

2005-01-28T09:11:11Z

Nimh, baby, Nimh.

-->Nicodemus is my homeboy<--

juStIn is A raT. he Is cooLer thAN yoU And ME.

i missed that movie...

gehirael @ 2005-01-12T15:50:00

2005-01-12T07:00:55Z

Back at GeraGera again. We spent yesterday in Akihabara and... wow. Its like a permanent anime convention that doesnt smell bad. There were also no smelly people... or at least the stores were typically quite perfumed. One smelled very fruity.

I found my christmas gifts in Akiba so now Dwight and Travis are taken care of, rounding things out for me. Also, theres this store called Lawson, its like a 7-11 more or less (better tho, 7-11 around here is just ok), and they sell Pantasia bread. Its made without milk and has Kazumas picture on the front. Its so fucking good. You wouldnt believe it. Had dango this morning for 105 yen too. Last night was relaxed compared to the others so far, just watched tv and stuff.

Anyways, nothing big nothing new. Hanging in Shinjuku for a bit, then i think we will hit up Harajuku again tonight for pictures and stuff. I dont know though. Chris is trying to play final fantasy xi but it wont work on his computer. hahahahaha.

theres too much wind in tokyo and it blows from every direction. i dont know how

gehirael @ 2005-01-10T15:28:00

2005-01-10T06:29:06Z

oh, shanden, we saw the peach girl anime on tv. check tokyotosho, someone is subbing it.

sou, sou. konnichiwa, minna-sama

2005-01-10T06:23:45Z

These keyboards are really hard to use. Anyways, hi. I cannot find the apostrophe, so no contractions dammit. I am sitting in GeraGera manga cafe using their computers for 200 yen for a half hour. Internet is rare and hard to find in Japan. We came to Shinjuku today for the first time and its the first time weve seen internet cafes or even PCs for that matter. Everyone uses their DoCoMo cell phones for internet/chatting/emails. Also, most DoCoMo phones have cameras that are well better than 3.2 megapixels, the resolution of my sony cam.

Anyway, so far we`ve (found something that looks apostrophe ish) walked about 30 miles around and about Tokyo. We stay in central tokyo, which is pretty cool. Close to Ginza. We spent the last two nights in Harajaku and Roppongi. Yesterday was Shibuya during the day. Insanity, so many people.

Im gonna drop all my money on clothing in harajuku, i think. So much cool stuff.

we ate at wendys today and they were playing bad religion on the radio. this country is fucking cool.

anyway, im taking pictures and stuff. oh, shanden. the faint show costs 5,500 yen per ticket. around $54.00. no thank you, astro hall. hm... oh, sorry i dont call often, but the times are weird and it costs 192yen per minute to use my phone. thats a lot. ill call again soon tho.

enjoy america and people who talk to you, and we will enjoy japan and being ignored!

gehirael @ 2004-11-12T20:09:00

2004-11-13T01:21:36Z

Check it out, the shattered glass sparkling like the light of a hundred stars. You can only dream about that light from the city; fucking washed-out dim sky. That pile in the middle of the street is all the Heaven you get in traffic.

I spent the morning half-awake and confused. Also pissed off that I broke a nail. I remember receiving some kind of assurance that I was not okay. For whatever reason, covered in sweat and feeling sick to death I wanted more than ever to insist that I was really okay. I don't really remember much.

I look like shit and I feel like shit and next week I guess someone's going to cut my eyes open, so I'm looking forward to that.

I wonder, with a serious curiousity and without a suicidal desire, what a knife through the heart would feel like.

((

im wide awake, yet closer to dreams that have been crushed by you
i find it strange you're so easily amused
but im still holding on and saying goodbye to you

))

not enough

2004-10-19T20:44:29Z

And I still don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it all wrong.

Starting the post with a conjunction was all wrong.

Is this it?

nanaaa nanananananana na na na nanana dumdumdumdumdududum...

2004-10-11T23:04:42Z

So there are a couple things I can still rely on to make me happy.

One of them is a game, the object of which is to get as much stuff as possible to stick to a ball that this tiny little green guy is pushing around. Get enough stuff and the ball of miscellanea is elligible to become a star. That's really it. You start at around 10 cm and then try to get stuff (pins, crackers, fruit, memory cards, shoes, umbrellas, children, ducks, cars, buildings, islands, rainbows, clouds) to stick so that you can make a star.

The music even makes me feel somewhat ok.

Uncertainty is murder though.

gehirael @ 2004-10-01T03:56:00

2004-10-01T07:58:16Z

i have hardly been able to breathe tonight. i'm sitting and waiting and hoping that this night will be over soon. i don't know why, because tomorrow i'll sit and wait all day for the day to fucking be over and then the night will be long, probably longer than tonight, and if it gets worse then i don't fucking know what...

what am i waiting for? when can i stop waiting? what the fuck am i doing?

Don't get me wrong, I know it's all my fault.

2004-09-22T06:39:16Z

I'm trying to be OK with myself. I'm trying to be OK with what I have. I thought I was OK with what I've done.

I can't exist without other people. I can't exist with them. Why is it that everyone only gets one side of me and I can't give the whole away? Why is it that people can promise me I'm something with only a part of me exposed to them? Why is it that when all my pieces are assembled and I look on what should be something spectacular I find a gaping fucking hole?

I can't even write this, because I hate it too. I don't even know why. I hate the people I meet and the ones I don't. I hate the classes I'm taking and all the ones I'm not. I'm sick of not having a home, but I don't know that I'll ever have one. I guess someday I'll make one for myself, but I hate every place at least as much as this one, so there's no real estate left.

What happened to normalcy? I missed that in childhood. Is there any way I can achieve it now? I'm god damn sick of myself, the exclusionist. I'm waiting to be simple, so I haven't the desire to understand why, only the instinct to press forward.

I hope this person can help.

sneak sneak

2004-09-20T00:31:28Z

YOINKU!

gehirael @ 2004-09-17T16:29:00

2004-09-17T20:31:45Z

let me sleep...

Loop & Loop

2004-09-15T16:55:58Z

右手に白い紙
理由なき僕の絵を
描いた途中で投げ出す
その光る明日を

左手汚して
名も無き君の絵を
描いた宇宙で出会った
その光る明日を
とめどない青　消える景色
終わる冬を

抜け出す扉を沈めるひどい雨
染み込む心の奥底に響いて
頼りない明日の儚い想いも
僅かな光で切り取る白い影

※所詮　突き刺して彷徨って
塗りつぶす君の今日も
つまりエンド＆スタート
積み上げる弱い魔法
由縁　失って彷徨って
垂れ流す　僕の今日を
走り出したエンドロール
つまらないイメージを壊せ
そうさ※

Galaxy!

2004-09-15T16:43:16Z

Step up!　始まりの合図　おれと一緒にカム!!
Don't believe the hype
そうさShowみたいなLOVE Hold me tight
Like a virgin　いつものようにDive
まず　Routine(yeah)　決めて　Groovin'(yeah)
君と二人で朝まで　Cruisin'(yeah)
この宇宙にoh Wonderfol world

Oh What a funk-a-ful earth!!
闇夜照らす　スターダスト　体で表現　この情熱大陸
ぶっ飛んで天の川まで会いに行く
夢中で君の目の前で踊って
無重力リクライニング　さぁ　行くぜ　本格的に
今夜素敵に　Cosmic dance fever

夜の浜辺がフロア　Just dance for me
鳴らせよ　Show time(hands clap)
Shake your body　ターニラッで　身体は　Burnin' hot
2発で(clap clap)　果てまで　Don't stop

Toss it up. Toss it up　お年頃だって恥らうなよ
大人になったって　たしなむサ
永遠の　DanceとMusic

You copy? I copy　愛とBeats

※愛の海で溺れて　永遠に
さぁ DanceとMusicでYeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
愛の波にまかれて　永遠に
さぁ Bounceだ CosmicにYeah Yeah Yeah Yeah※

ああマジやっばいね　ラブリー気
あっ　君　可ー愛ーね　セクスィー
朝から晩　ぶっとーしで　世界中たった二人で
乱れて悩ましい
ジャンジャン騒いで　ラーラマースィー
大胆なダンス狂おしい
もっともっと　君が欲しい

It's lovely time　ノリでべらぼうに
愛しちゃった(アーン)
食らったメガトンパンチ
愛の隕石が目指そうとするのは
On the beach　そのパラダイスは洪水
でも　パラ大好き　ほおずり(うん痛い)
危険おかしてはダンス　コズミック　バカンス
後悔すら遠くに

流れる様に　Niceでスムーズ　溢れ出す　リズムとブルース
ムガムチュー　君にムチュー　踊る僕らはまるで宇宙

無いものねだりのI want youじゃない
ムガムチュー　君にブチュー
触れるな2人の宇宙エンピーバリアー

You copy? I copy　愛とBeats

(※くり返し)

△I know you　うぬぼれて　永遠に
さぁ DanceとMusicでYeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
You know me　飲み込まれて　永遠に
さぁ Bounceだ CosmicにYeah Yeah Yeah Yeah△

Death from Above

2004-09-09T22:32:50Z

I don't have it.

Something isn't there; it isn't here.

And... I got a haircut.

i

2004-09-03T03:36:23Z

i have no idea what to say...

the biggest chapter of my life is now closed, thanks to me.

i don't know what comes next. i do know that it's ok.

i hope travis is ok. he's over-stressed. oh, n/m he's happy now.

anyways, my life is really fucked up, a little, for a while.

wish me luck, dunno if i'll be back here.

shots fired into the sky

2004-08-20T09:09:26Z

are now returning.

gehirael @ 2004-07-19T02:17:00

2004-07-19T06:22:05Z

お酒が飲みたい。

すべてはいいんですか。

？

< gir >Aw, it likes me...< /gir >

2004-07-13T06:50:41Z

blargh...

Like a bullet, as a friend... tell me...

2004-07-06T08:34:17Z

I just want to give up; this is tiring. Working something like 56 hours a week and still not sleeping. Blagh...

Fuckers...

Obey the fist.

gehirael @ 2004-06-28T01:16:00

2004-06-28T05:18:08Z

i wish i had found this album when i started looking for it, because it seems it would've been perfect for that time. now i'm just... i can't say...

Worse...? or... better?

2004-06-27T05:12:16Z

*cough*

Yes, so I have a big apartment with Dwight now and Travis' empty room. Empty minus the zombies. It's a special place, with lots of happiness faeries and things like that. Oh, and loud non-English speaking Mexican neighbors. There are entired fucking families in this complex that make less than three broke college students and it's almost depressing, except for the fact that these people are worthless trash who don't seem to understand or mind the fact that they are wretched.

Hm. Yeah, happy place with a broken mind.

The other night, I was doing these upside down, stream of consciousness things on the board at the restaurant with new friend Loryn. I was trying to keep myself and her occupied at first, but then I just totally stopped considering what I was writing and let it go. Hm... some I thought were interesting. Like, "Every day they are throwing themselves from your parapets." Which may or may not totally make sense, but after writing it, I pictured people diving from the ramparts of something, which was me, or maybe Loryn, but probably me, and it was entertaining. Hm... some things discouraged me, because I think it means my head is broken on the inside. Like, "There are raccoons in the chips. Danger is probable." Hm... yeah, it came out, upside down... and I was a little... bothered, cuz I... yeah, I don't... uh... don't know what that means.

Um...

I work... a lot. It's not so much fun. I don't really like it.

They give me money though, which I am fond of. I do like that.

Today, I threatened to eat the youth of today. Derek, the manager of an artsy type movie theatre, was commenting on my shiny blue nails. He says, "Purple?" I says, "Well, it's blue, but I don't so much like the iridesence." He kindof shook his head and turned away, asking, "What's happened to the youth of today?" I thought about it... and said, after stopping thinking, "I don't know..." and he looked at me and I said, "but I'll eat them." And he laughed and said, "That's good. That's a good one," and left. I think my punctuation is suffering.

I'm a little .. uh... yeah, that other one's not even an incorrectly placed or spaced ellipsis, I don't know what that is. Weird.

Yeah... so... um. I don't... haha, that's it I guess. Weird? Yeah, maybe.

What's the 'G' stand for?